Since I went to a public school that taught English, I am most familiar with English, even though I grew up in a Spanish-speaking family. I did not know how to speak Spanish as a child, I could understand some words my parents said instinctively. My mother, who was born in France but raised in Venezuela, and my father, who was born and raised in Ecuador, mostly spoke Spanish and didn’t know English but ended up learning while spending their time living in New York City. It mostly has been a repeat of them saying something in Spanish to me being confused, and they repeat saying it in Spanish until they say it in English, and finally, me saying, “Oh, ok.”. By constantly switching between Spanish and English, I was able to learn a significant amount of Spanish. However, when family members who only spoke Spanish would visit, I struggled to communicate with them and often felt embarrassed when I couldn’t respond correctly. I would usually isolate myself until they left or food was served. Over time, I became more proficient in understanding and speaking Spanish and could converse with my parents in both languages.

I took a Spanish class for one year in middle school, the first Spanish class I’ve ever taken. I was confident since I knew a few Spanish words. So, I thought learning Spanish would be easy for me. But On the first day, we took an exam to tell what level of Spanish we were at. The instant I saw that exam, my confidence plummeted the furthest it’s gone before. As time passed, my hands swelled by how sweaty they’d become. As I sat through the exam, a single thought kept running through my mind: “This is going to be a long year.” Practically all of the questions on that exam went unfinished except for a handful, which were all guessed.

After a few months from the exam, the parent-teacher conference came along. I was stressed since Spanish was the lowest grade I’d had that marking period, and I was worried about what my parents would think since most of the family speaks Spanish. On the day of the meeting, my mother and I went to talk to the Spanish teacher. My mother introduced herself in Spanish, and so did the teacher. Then, somewhere in the conversation, the teacher asked how many languages she knew. She answered by saying four languages: Spanish, Portuguese, English, and French. She also said that I understand some Spanish and some Portuguese. I was surprised since this was the first time I heard her mention anything about Portuguese. That day, I realized that she spoke Spanish and Portuguese while growing up. I also question if the words I knew were Spanish or Portuguese. In the end, my mother wasn’t disappointed and said that learning Spanish could be challenging, starting with just knowing only a few words.

I had to sit for the Spanish regents exams in my final year of high school to obtain an advanced regent diploma. My confidence in Spanish could have been better at the start of the year. I wondered if I would pass the speaking and writing exams. But I still went through with it and gave it my all. I put in the most effort studying this year compared to the other years in which I wouldn’t put my all. I was willing to invest extensive time and effort to enhance my Spanish proficiency. Over the course of the year, I realized that my knowledge of Spanish needed to be improved. I found learning additional information about my cultural roots and history compelling.

To sum it up, my connection to language is a mix of unexpected moments, doubts,
patterns, and gratification and it will improve even further as I acquire additional knowledge.